Im thinking. Thinking of leaving. Somehow i just lost all my strength. Is it because of her? Ignoring me, wanting to quit, saying mean things, not wanting to listen to how i feel. Maybe its her. I just dont wanna lose a friend. or im just sad that my job will make me lose a v v v v good friend.

My mental isnt strong. Having gone thru so much fuck shit in my life,jc crap and a lot of rubbish,my mental is still v v weak.

Thoughts of giving up. Thoughts of just hiding somewhere and dont care about everything. ): Hiding somewhere like a loser and just ignoring evrything.

I need ppl to wake me up and show me the right way. I dont know who to approach and who to confide to . Ben is being a bastard. I dont know how to tell spencer. The rest of the ppl i just dont know how to tell them too. Shld i go? Shld i push on and stay on? Sigh.

Im tired. I just wanna run away from evrything.

I really hope you will come now and pull me away from all this shit.

Damn tiring week. V v v v tired and bored of work. Work was okay but got scolded so badly by rene cause of my fucked up candidates. Gosh. Whats their fucking problem man. Kids nowadays just dont think of the consequences.

V v v pissed. I was screaming at the stairway while talking to alvin, pris and xiu over the phone. Vulgarities just kept coming out when i spoke to xiu. Im so sorry dear. But i was really v v v v v v v pissed. ): GAH

Supposed to go find coco and the rest. But i didnt go. Felt v guilty too. I really wasnt in the mood and i didnt want to pang seh Spencer.

Spencer and i went to eat at this Hk cafe. I complained and complained about work and my candidates!

Damn damn angry! Had a happy dinner with SPencer. then went to meet lance ben germaine and matthew. They ate at NYDC while we sat there and stone. The food looks damn nice loh! Next time i want go Nydc to eat too! and spencer promise to treat me to a meal after we get out pay! Yeah! haha

Slacked around while waiting for our show to start at 12am! Omg right. SO bored, tired and we talked cock and took pictures! Had fun!

The show was okay! Watched 14blades! DONNIE YEN IS DAMN HOTPLEASE! YA YA HE IS OLD! But he still damn hot please. Was quite disappointed with the fighting scenes. Too little and too fake! Donnie Yen didnt get a chance to show his damn cool martial art moves la!

Supposed to go tim's office today. Overslept! Cause i reached hm at around4am! Took the night rider back! So sad lah! took it alone cause i was the only one staying in the east! Hq wasnt there to share cab w me! Spencer didnt come w his bicycle to fetch me as he promised! haha

Fell asleep on the night rider. Luckily i woke up when the bus was around simei area. GAH! When im at simei i thought of Eighteen chef food! Supposed to go w ben that day one loh. IM CRAVING FOR EIGHTEEN CHEF's FOOD LA! ):

Supposed to go shopping today w Van. Haha. but both of us overslept! Im crazily looking at stuffs to buy online. GOSH im in love with this Coach wallet la! $400 plus. 0.0 My half a month pay! I WANNA GIVE TUITION! ANYBODY WANT ME TO TEACH!?!?

So many things i wanna buy! I need money! Okay i shall give tuition after i get my results!

Dinner with C3 later! (: Long time nv meet them already. Tmrw will be meeting up w stef! (: then at night we will be having our long awaited og11 dinner! (:

My legs are so tired from wearing heels that i dont feel like running today. Omg.

I want to eat icecream ikea meatballs and cheesecake and seafood rings nuggets chocolate moose grapes strawberries apples pineapples pastamania pasta de waraku brownies from billy bombers swensens spagettii and sourdough 49gers sticky chewy chocolate fried rice from din tai fung kfc cococnut pie fish and co fried calamari pizza hut pizza salted popcorn milky hello panda marche's pineapple and lemon juice and ham and mushroom and cheese creepe mos burger fries.

GOSH. GREEDY PIG. ): ): SATISFY ALL MY CRAVINGS PLS!

I am angry w myself. I hate myself for being like that. ): But how. I cant stop that feeling! ): Come on idiot. PLEASE WAKE UP! ):

I FELT V V V V V SORRY FOR NOT GOING TO ECP W THEM.

It was a v last min decision to chiong to watch the movie. I was really v v v v v v v v guilty. ): ): ): ): ):

Regretted movie-ing w them too. The show sucks. Im a lousy friend ah. i dont know whats on my mind when i promised them i will go over. IM SORRRY FOR NOT GOING TO ECP TO CYCLE. hate myself.

Im feeling fucked up now. V v v guilty and upset. Cause i miss them leh. ): Then i always dont know how to say NO to my friends when they ask me for a favour. ): For today when fiona ask me to go over cause of the extra tickets and dont want to waste $$, i dont know how to say NO when i reeally wanted to go ECP. ):

Met up w bazzzz for dinner. Shopped like hell. YES SOMEONE PLS STOP ME FROM SHOPPING. I bought so much from topshop la. Im now a member. haha. Roughly know how much i spent?

I am changing my dressing style. Haha. FROM Tshirt and Fbts to something else. haha. Skirt and dresses? I hope i can survive eh.

I just spent so much of my hard earned $$ lah.

Tired.

Sad tired stressed angry fucked up pissed disappointed

U TRYING TO AVOID ME RIGHT. I know i know. Who can i rely on now? ):

Damn fucked up.

Im sick ):

only 2 weeks and im drained.

Thanks a lot to spencer and my brothers in RE, they became my motivation to go to work! But now my body is so weak to go to work.

Ystd when out w lovely ppl! Went for Zhi Char near my hse!Nv eaten there before although its near my hse.

Went for a run before that. became slightly darker i think.

I want to buy a lot of stuffs. Went to topshop and topman ystd. So many things i wanna buy. ): But have to save $$ for taiwan.

IM V EXCITED ABOUT TAIWAN! (: GAH. IM GOING TO SHOP THERE LIKE HELL! AND EAT A LOT A LOT A LOT! (:

Really hope siew hoon can go! If not only left 3 ppl! Maybe joining my RE friend and his friends there too.

MY MOTIVATION FOR THIS WEEK's WORK- Sat meeting lovely girls for picnic at ECP! (: Sunday training w hanee and flora for bike rally!

I must recover! Panadol is not working. ):

I hate myself la. Why am i always like that. nv learnt my lesson before. SO many times already.

WAKE UP WAN TING!

Today was happy. Not because working became fun. It had nv been fun and will nv be fun.

I was waiting today. For something to happen. and if it does, im so going to explode and release all my anger. It didnt happen and i was sort of disappointed.

I was happy today cause nice ppl made me laugh like hell. When was the last time i laughed so hard that i cannot stop? Thanks Spencer! (: You are my Brother cum girlfriend! (: thank you for making me laugh so hard and forget work for a short short while.

I feel happy cause i talked to pris today, spencer made me laugh so hard and Ben and Danny came back. I ATE GOOD FOOD AND BEN AND JERRY's! (:

WEEKENDS! (: SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP! SO MUCH CATCHING UP TO DO! im tired and sick of going to work.

MOTIVATION! I NEED LOTS OF MOTIVATION!

Step up, chin up, block out and keep moving on till the end. 2 weeks down, 22 more to go.

WAN TING U MUST JIAYOU! NV LET URSELF GIVE UP AGAIN. Push on! Next week will be hell. I know. Thinking about next week makes me scared.

Like how i always did. Motivate ppl but actually deep inside im scared.

TODAY WAS A HAPPY DAY. (: I shall not say why. (:

I think i've wild imagination. Even thinking about it makes me happy! (:

Not forgetting the stupid nightmare i had. But i was still v happy thinking about something. haha. (:

Met up w jo baz huiling for dinner. Went to Fish at T1. Not that nice leh. Prefer fish and co.

A very tiring weekend! Only slept for less than 10 hours for the two nights. CAME BACK FROM SLEEPOVER. Enjoyed myself w them. so long nv meet them already.

Watched videos, movies, stalked ppl on their blogs and fb. haha. LETS PLAN SLEEPOVER AGAIN! (:

the next day wanted to go ecp for picnic loh. but they lazy ah. hhaha. So we ended up eating and watching tv at hm. But i was bent on going ecp. haha. So i called hanee. and we went! we cycled! (:

We cycled to changi! (: Took lots of pictures. and chionged back from Changi to ecp to return my bike. DAMN TIRING! haha. But damn fun! We sort of competed w this stupid guy.Dont like us to overtake him. So we chionged all the way and overtook that guy! haha.

We walked back from ecp to bedok cause hanee brought her bike. WE GOT LOST. ): haha. Walked for like 2 hrs. ): Luckily he knows the way. If not we will die there loh. We walked the opposite direction at the start. THANK U FOR SAVING US! (:

Went to hawker and eat. DAmn late loh. We reached the hawker at around 9plus! I had pineapple and green apple juice. Damn nice! haha.

So tired on my bus ride back.YAY! Im meeting liy baz and jo tmrw! (: AND PEALYN NEO next tues. Running on wed after work.Have to find someone to run w me. Mummy wont allow to run alone at night. always have to run after i meet pearlyn! haha. She is my goodfoodbuddy! haha. I NEED HAPPY FOOD NOW PLEASE. Lets go eat nice cakes okay!

I hate sunday nights. Work sucks. I need motivation. I lost all my determination! ): MR EARTHQUAKE! please give me motivation! Like how i always got it from u that made me continue 2yrs of shit.

Im tired. ):

Came back from Tim's 21st bday party. Soooooo tired.

At pasir ris chalet. North and east ppl went. Had fun. ate talk drank.

Gosh.1st time i drink so much w ppl i just know. haha. Xiu always warn me not to drink in front of guys or ppl you just know. Luckily i know my limit and didnt get wasted in front of my workmates. haha

A few of them got so drunk theat they started vomiting big time. 0.0 I almost vomitted while helping this guy clean his vomit. 0.0

I drank slightly more cause i wasnt feeling happy ystd. Work sucks man. ): Im preparing to get sacked next week. I WANT FREEDOM. Im quite sure w my experience i can find a btter job leh.

Tj open house today. Didnt go. Gah. But i miss him leh. Hope hanee sees her numbers today.

going jojo's hse for sleepover today. M'sia trip cancelled cause pearlyn neo sick ): please take care alright!

Sunday shld be going Ecp to sun tan and play and cycle! I miss yun dan and jo. ): I NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO MY SCREAMS AND COMPLAINS. I NEED SHOULDERS TO LIE ON WHEN IM SAD. ): FINALLY CAN MEET THEM AND COMPLAIN OVERNIGHT ABOUT MY WORK!

Ben is gone! Hope he is feeling better now! friend, if u are sad go train! u will feel better.

Im hungry now. Shld go look for FOOOD!

OH OH OH GOD. ):

He is going in soon. ): CANT EVEN SEE HIM IN SCH IF I GO BACK NEXT TIME. GOSH

He sounded hurt. Wonder which idiot made him hurt. ):

GOSH MY onlyone IS SAD. ): but i cant do anything.

WHY NOW. WHY NOW WHEN IM FEELING SO SAD . ):

YESYES. I KNOW WHAT I NEED NOW. I need to punch someone to release my fucking anger bottled up from MONDAY.

IM ANGRY! I AM SAD! I HATE WORK! I dont understand why do they discriminate. Felt so insulted. THEY WERE INDIRECTLY INSULTING MY FRIENDS! ): Felt like crying today. );

I felt so GAHHHHH TODAY! ): I need to complain and scream it out! Thank u hanee for listening.

And sundown made me feel better. BUT NO MORE 42Km! Haha. Im going for 10k one again!(:

Friends make my life better. I need lots of happy food cause work sucks. ):

TMRW SLEEPOVER AT YUNYUN's HSE OR JOJO's hse!
SUNDAY M'sia TRIP! (:
monday will be work again. Ohgosh. 4days down, 116 more to go! Yes yes! think of 6 bucks per hr-.-. think of shopping. Think of helping my nice mentor increase her sales!

OHOH! i met hoon today! Ate pasta and bought lots of clothes. haha. ANGRY MA. need retail therapy! Bought2 tops and 2 dresses! wanted to buy one more. but so ex leh. Then too short.

FELT HAPPIER AFTER SHOPPING and TALKING TO HOON! Thank u for the cute stuffs u bought from taiwan!

Work is fine, but slightly boring lah. Yes. TAN WAN TING CANT WORK OFFICE WORK LAH. I cant sit for the whole day pls. Plus my new name is called Ashley.Wth right. Some tradition of my company must have eng name.

TAN WAN TING IS SUCH A NICE NAME LOH! haha.

Work is tiring and its sort of competitve in a way. I nv really like jobs like that. I like fast paced jobs but not competitve in the way that u compete w ur workmates( who will be ur friends). 3days and im regretting slightly for taking up this job.

Luckily i've nice workmates there. My mentor is great and patient. Im such a stupid and slow learner lah. then im supppppppppeeer messsy. THANK U A LOT! (: Other ppl have been really nice too. Enjoyed the 2 dinners with them. (:

GOSH GOSH. IM MISSING MY FRIENDS BIG TIME. ): I MISS KOH SIEW HOON AND BAZ AND LIY AND JO AND HANEE AND ST AND PEARL AND DANNY AND ZY AND ALVIN AND KENNETH AND ALICIA AND PEI YU!( sorry if i missed out anyone).

Went back hm after dinner. hoon called! Talked to her for almost an hour. waited at the lift lobby and talked for so long cause lift no reception and we had soooooo much to talk about. Haven seen her for like 2 weeks or something but im starting to miss her a lot.I've so much to tell her, so much to bitch to her about.

Hope i can survive 6 mths of heels, make up, stress work, 630am every morning, crowded mrt evryday. So much for 6bucks per hr.

SHLD HAVE GONE FOR TEACHING INTERN! ): MY ONLY ONE IS THERE LOH. Ya im missing him. Haha. HANEE CONFIRM ALSO MISS ONE LOH. Use to see him like evryday.( days we dont pon sch haha). Hanee confirm miss night study, i will miss econs lect and common lunch and walking pass canteen evrymorning.

When im in sch i was dying to get out. Now im missing sch.

My muay thai stuffs still in sch loh. Must be rotting somewhere.I shall go back someday then can see my earthquake! ^^

HELLO HAPPY 2010! (: a bit late.

31dec went to countdown with Hanee and family and St! Okay. It was v v v boring. Haha. Lucky the tic was free. If not so stupid lah. lol. All the performances suck. ): Sort of stoned for the whole night. haha.

But before going for the Countdown2010 at Marina Bay, went to shop! haha. BOUGHT LOTS OF STUFFS. Bought a pair of slippers from Accessorize and lots of stuff from Body Shop. (:

Then after the count down went to hanne's hse to watch movie. haha. St and me didnt sleep for the whole night. I slept at 8plus am, she slept at 10plus lah. haha. YEAH! HAD ROTI PRATA FOR LUNCH. Finally satisfied my cravings! (:

Yesterday.

Wentfor Muaythai gathering. Quite okay. Went to Thaipan for lunch!!! THE FOOD V NICE! haha. I shall bring besties there and try one day! Then went to play pool. Yeah. i still suck at playing pool. Haha. I prefer to play spot the difference. lol.

Then went to meet Pearlyn! YES SHE MADE ME WALK FOR 40MINS! Haha. SORRY THE SURPRISE U ALL PLANNED DIDNT WORK OUT! ): lol.

YA AND WHY BUY ME BALlOONS! Okay there are quite a lot of things i dislike! ( Balloons! Cartoon related stuffs!( ALthough im still crazy over Huxin and friends) Real Flowers! All the glass or crystal stuuffs for display!) YUPP BUT I STILL APPRECIATE U ALL FOR SPENDING $$ FOR BUYING THE BALLOONS!

But i really liked the DIY sushi set! haha. THANK U! I CAN MAKE SUSHI TO WORK! and i can play it with KohSiewHoon! haha. (: THANK U FRIENDS!

Okay im starting work tmrw! Haha. OKAY FRIENDS! LOOK FOR ME IF U ALL WANT A JOB! (: im working as a Recruit Consultant. Can help u all look for jobs! haha.

6mths. IM WORKING FOR 6mths leh. ): CAN ASK ME OUT FOR DINNER OKAY!

My new Year resolutions!

1) Save $3000 of my 6mths pay!( possible? still have to go Taiwan! )

2) WORK REALLY HARD TO EAN MORE COMMISSION!

3) LOSE WEIGHT. -.- ( lose 5kg in 6mths?)

4) KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ALL MY FRIENDS! (:

5) BOND W MY FAMILY!

6) Plans for my future shop.(:- FOUND 2 PARTNERS YSTD! (:

7) WORK REALLY HARD WHEN I GET INTO UNI! (:

8) BE MORE GIRLY! GAH.

9) BE NICER TO EVERYBODY!

10) CONTROL MY TMEPER!):

11) HAVE A HEALTHY DIET!

12) Learn drawing!

13) Continue w my MuayThai!

14) GO GYMMING OFTEN! (:

15) STOP SPENDING SO MUCH $$! Dont be an impluse shopper!

16) LEARN COOKING!