They say opposites attract. It’s true that opposites attract but will it even work out?

I found the answer that day. No they won’t be able to. We are able to compromise and love each other’s differences but what about the people around them?

No matter how hard you try it is still not going to work out. It’s like trying to hide an inferior good in between the branded ones. It’s not going to work. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable/ felt so inferior before. I never had this kind of feeling before and sorry im not willing to feel so uncomfortable for something I know its not going to work out. Maybe it is still too soon to try?
Im not even ready or not even sure if I want it to be that way. Maybe give me more time to let me think if I want to work for it?

But at this point of time I can say that I don’t want to as my desire to make it happen is not strong enough. So can you please stop forcing and can you use some of your brains that I don’t want to? You know im bad at rejecting people so can you please don’t always do things your way? Can you put in more effort to know how I feel?

And if want to tell me something please tell me directly. I don’t really get hints or signals and I really don’t know how exactly you feel if you don’t tell me directly.

Zzz. I shouldn’t be thinking of redundant things like that. I have soo much things to think of and how can a simple issue of making friends be so complicated. I think I am quite stubborn. I won’t do things I don’t feel comfortable doing.

Alright today I was really sad. Something happened at home and I know I wont have enough money for university. At times Im really envious of people who are born in lovely families. Families that go out for family dinners. Family who are really close families who have sufficient financial ability to let their kids do what they want.

I have never gone to any country other than Malaysia with my whole family before. Im not as lucky as the other families that go for holidays together every year. Actually I don’t expect much, I don’t need to go overseas with my family but I just want to be a normal kid and not having to worry about my university fees.

Im sorry Im stupid. I tried very very hard for Alevels but I still couldn’t do well. I couldn’t get the grades I want, I couldn’t get any scholarship so I don’t have to worry about my university fees.

Im very angry with myself. I never knew this would happen. Spending money like a rich kid, not able to control my spending, going on holidays that I don’t deserve and most importantly being so stupid. If I was smarter, with all my effort I put in for Alevels, I will be able to get the scholarship I want.

I know I shouldn’t but im really envious of some people around me. Thinking of going overseas to study and not having to worry about money. Going overseas to study wasn’t even one of my options because I know I would not have the money to. I don’t even think I have enough money to go to a local uni and pay for the hostel fees.

I don’t understand why for everything I want I need to work harder than most of the people. I always tell myself tmrw will be better. Things will go my way if I tried hard enough. I keep trying harder and im tired already. Tired of ervything. I need a break. That’s why I want to go tioman/ bintan even though I need to start saving money. Sis was telling me, there is no point putting in so much effort to save money now. She thinks that the money I save now would not make a big difference when I grow up cause we will be earning so much more than what we are now.

Okay whatever it is I will still use my money to do the things I want and still save. And what I have to do is to give tuition although I really don’t want to touch those crap again. Zzz. In order to fulfil everything I want to do, I have to do smth I don’t feel like doing.

Yes so now im teaching H2 maths and Econs. If you need help or know or anybody who needs tuition, give me a call!

Im still loving life now though many many things happened cause I’ve lovely people around me. (: Little little things make me happy! I feel happy to meet friends I haven seen for v long for breakfast. I feel very happy to go cycling alone. Im soooo looking forward to chalet/ bbq/ wild wild wet w all my lovely girls. And meeting best friend for movie and dim sum! (:

I haven watched tv for 100000million years already. I miss lying in front of the tv w junk food for the whole day. Okay next off day after duathlon I should laze around again!

Okay ystd during training I was v v disappointed . I don’t go for trainings often cause I don’t have time to and Shirley is starting school already. I really need to find someone as passionate about muaythai as me to go trainings with me. But I can’t seem to find anybody. ): So im going to invest in a punching bag so I can train everyday myself. But still, I would prefer someone to train with me. Any kind soul wanna train with me after Shirley starts school? ):

I had jap food and waffles today! YAY! I had 2 choc waffles, 2 sushi, tofu, chicken today for lunch cum dinner. Haha. Yes I know that’s a lot.

Now im thinking of going to bintan/tioman w mich and pris! (: Lying around the beach, doing water sports, going for morning jogs, reading a book/listening to mp3 near the sea, star glazing at night and many many more!! Im so excited now lah! Im happy to go Changi beach myself to chill, cannot imagine how much fun It will be to go bintan/tioman. Okay mich please do a good job planning! (:

Okay end of post. Wow if u managed to read till this part, you really do love me. Hahaha. It’s a long and boring post I know. 3 cheers to all those who managed to finish reading this post!